Last week my four-year-old daughter, Amelia, woke up and came running downstairs wanting to go outside and chase butterflies. I was already busy typing emails and taking work calls. However, the persistence of a little girl can be rather persuasive.

As I finally relented, it dawned on me that in a few weeks she wouldn’t be asking me to chase butterflies anymore. Instead, she would be starting pre-school. Amelia is our fourth child. Given that she is the baby of the family, I had seen this before… One minute they want to chase butterflies, the next they want to chase boys. Not wanting to miss the moment, I swooped up my little girl, and we went outside, and into the yard of our hobby farm to go hunting for butterflies.

So while she laughed and giggled her way around our property in the early August sun, I found myself reflecting on how fleeting seasons in life are. There is a finite window of time when a daddy can go outside and chase butterflies with his little girl. This was a sweet moment in the cluttered chaos of parenting our four children. Enjoying these moments has become one of the secrets I have learned on how to wait well.

I am your typical “type A,” task oriented, goal setting individual. That reality is what has made our “Not Yet” season so difficult for me. As I mentioned in my previous post, when paying off our debt, I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Being a type A, it was just too much to wrap my head around. Paying off the debt via a life insurance policy seemed like a better plan.

“The 3 F’s”

When I stood on our porch one rainy night in Seattle, contemplating ending my life, it was my thoughts about “the 3 F’s”: Faith, Family, and Friends, that rescued me from that dark place.

***Quick Timeout: I am aware and even hopeful that people will visit this blog who have no faith or a different worldview than my own. My time in business has taught me to appreciate diversity. Even if we disagree, it doesn’t mean that we cannot respect each other. So no matter what your perspective or belief system is, you are welcome here. Waiting does not play favorites. If you are breathing, then there is a good chance, that sometime in your life, you will find yourself waiting.

What is left is to learn how to process these seasons and work on waiting well. After all, if you are going to have to wait, you might as well do it well. With that in mind, I’d like to share with you how we went from surviving to thriving in our waiting season.

Faith

As Jesse Ventura once said, faith can be “a crutch for the weak-minded,” that people lean on. Or it is the rock that you make the foundation of your life. The position and substance of your faith will make all of the difference in how people view your prerogative.

I had to reconcile my worldview and identity without any ulterior motives. What crystallized for me was that, although I was no longer a servant of my faith by vocation, I was still God’s son. It was this realization, which made my faith in Jesus Christ become paramount.

Galatians 3:26 says, “For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus.”

And why does that matter? What is God’s perspective towards His children? As I searched the Bible, I caught a glimpse of how God feels about His kids. It was an emotion that I could relate to being a father, myself.

“And a voice from heaven said, “You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.” – Mark 1:11

What’s interesting is that God says this about Jesus when He is around age 30 at His baptism by John. At the time, Jesus had not yet started His public ministry. The best evidence says that Jesus had just spent the last twenty years or so of His life waiting. Jesus spent this season waiting as an apprentice Carpenter, to his earthly father, Joseph. He was just a blue-collar Jewish man living on the outskirts of Israel, on the outer rim of the Roman empire.

No Jesus Christ Superstar. No Messiah. No miracles. No overturning tables in the Temple. No death on the Cross. It is this Jesus that God says He loves Him and that He brings him great joy— just as His Son. Nothing more, nothing less.

And He says the same thing to me and you. I also have a hunch that God would be pretty excited just to hang out and chase some butterflies with us, too. He loves us, just because we are His kids, and His love is unconditional.

When we filed bankruptcy, I was forgiven of all of my debts, and it reminded me of God’s love me. There is no debt too big that he cannot forgive. It does not matter what you have done or where you have been. Just like bankruptcy court, God can wipe your slate clean no matter how many mistakes you have made.

Family

When I started to survey the long road of debt reduction in front of me, I realized that I had to find an oasis. Being intentional about making memories with my family became my reprieve.

I still chose to date my wife. I chose to take my oldest daughter, Arieana, out to our local Tully’s (Seattle coffee chain) coffee shop every Tuesday morning before school for a hot chocolate. I chose to go to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival every spring with my family. We went on hikes together during the beautiful Pacific Northwest summer. I took my boys fishing as they got older. And now I chase butterflies.

These moments became pit stops from the pain for me. It changed my focus during the 10-year long task of paying off investors, credit cards, and filing bankruptcy. It helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Friends

After I thought about ending my life, one of the first things I did was to call a friend. I think it is important to note that no one called me. And I don’t hold that against them. I firmly believe that if you want a friend, you have to be a friend. I recognized that if I was going to get out of the pit I was stuck in, I was not going to do it alone. So I picked up the phone and consistently started called three people: two close friends that I grew up with – Ben Binger, Jake Zaske and my boss, Scott Curry.

There was nothing earth shattering about those conversations. I just leaned on them to share my situation, and they graciously listened. When being a friend, using your ears twice as much as your mouth is always a good recipe. All three of them had the character to take that approach.

People started to learn about our financial difficulties, and I would get asked by colleagues, acquaintances, and neighbors on how we were handling the situation. When asked, I would always reply Faith. Family. Friends. Repeat. This became my mantra. Choosing to focus on these areas was something that I had to constantly remind myself of. But it sure beat looking at my bank account! I am happy to report, that after ten years of hard work, that account is much easier to look at. As we are now 100% debt free and financially healthy!

I am cognizant that not every person who reads this may be able to put all three of these into action. I like to think of this as a 3-legged stool for waiting well and processing pain. Three legs are ideal, but if you can even put one or two in practice, it is better than giving it a go alone.

What is your story? We all have a story and the chances are that someone else needs to hear it. Please feel free to leave some of your story below or share in our community forum.

What about you?  If you are in a season of waiting, what is one step that you can take to work on waiting well?